3am

I just wanted to write you a letter. I know it's too late to call.

I was going to sit outside your house, and sing, just like you did to me. I wanted you to hear the pain in my voice, and to know how my life has changed completely since we met. I'm no longer complete; you got away with a piece of me that I doubt I'll ever get back. But enough of what's now and what's lost.

I want to tell you something.

You're a beautiful person with a beautiful soul. You have so much to look forward to, and so much to give. You never should ever feel as though you are worthless, or that the things you have done make you a bad person. I will never ever let someone bring you down. Your love can change the world, and it will someday. You love with all your heart, and you will someday. Just not now, and that's okay. We don't get to where we are going by sitting around working a mind-numbing entry-level position. We get educated, and follow our passions. We stumble along the way, with issues that we all resolve with the strength we find in ourselves. Someday you'll find that strength to let go just enough to realize how much damage you did.

I loved you with everything I had, and I know you were scared. I know you wanted to run away, and you did. I'm only sorry I never followed you. Together we could have built something beautiful. But, as we all do, I was caught up in the pain of being imperfect, of being human. I still am. I'm caught up in the incompleteness of my daily life, the dissatisfaction of having no money and almost a university degree. Nobody knows what's next. That's supposed to be one of the fun parts of life.

Now, I need to let go. I want to let you go. You need to move on, just like I am trying to. Realize that completeness. Feel the rain after a long humid day. Let it sear your skin, and breathe it in. Know that what's good in life is not what's good in death. Love doesn't heal everything, you need to solve your own problems. It's about time you started solving them. Take this as a push in the right direction, take this as the confidence to realize we all deserve more than we give ourselves. Take this, and remember our moment.

With love, always.

Searching for Life

We've come full circle now, as I finish the end of the movie that started it all

my obsession with life, my lucid affair with love

caught between dreams and reality

As the harshness of a lonely life set in, the smell of lilac and fresh cut grass, Home

Wading through puddles of mud and motor oil

the sound of my own childish voice,

Please, please don't cry

It's all alright.

We're standing here, and I can't be a part of this anymore.

I want out.

I want to feel whole again, and it's not worth it

Life is so beautiful and so tragic

how even the strongest fall.

That which we are, we are

How hard it was to believe, how far gone you were

how I can't stand seeing that in my mirror

a drunken loneliness that won't subside

No more, no more.

I won't be a part of you anymore, and I won't let you

be a part of me; my heart is nothing left for taking

and my soul has nothing left

I never had to ask anyone. I just knew

and that decision is as easy as this one

Parc and contemplation

here i am, again i stay

on my hospital bed

of grass, and sunlight

all i can say, is how nice it

used to be, to see you smile,

to see you alive.

nothing is like the night, sparkling, don't ever let this go

all those walks home, all those painful cries out into the dark-- 2am who do you love?

she sings it all so right, it was a life that i could not have imagined better than it is, not have a care in the world, except for everything to do with you.

spinning forever, just wondering when you'll know. lying ere, waiting for the pain to subside, waiting

to feel alive.

This is how it ends

There's a reason

for what we do, what we say and how we feel

I don't know why I used to long for you

maybe, somehow it had something to do with saving you

because you are one jump from falling off a cliff

There's a reason we don't love each other.

It's because she loves you, and you don't love anyone.

There's a reason today happened

You're destructive, and I'm strong enough to not let you in

not let you break me down, and bring me down with you

with all the pain and addiction you have caught up in you

there's a reason you are the way you are, and a reason

why you don't get help.

There's a reason I wanted nothing to do with you

it's because you have nothing to do with me. Or yourself.

You're selfish, and you don't deserve what's happening to you

but it's happening to you, and we're trying to help.

I stopped trying

and look at what happened.

You called me

I never answered. My phone was dead, I wasn't in a good place.

I won't let you go

Awake my soul, and let those raindrops fall

like the tears that stream down my face, I won't let you show

I won't let you know, anything

build up those walls again, only to drop them like a curtain

but what no longer feels real to me, might seem real to you

so quit persisting, quite insistent on how things should be, or faltering

on those things that never seemed real to me

I'll awake, and now I'll fall all over again

this time, not for you, not for you

it'll be for me

You never should have sung to me

Caught up in you, all caught up in me

I'm tired of pretending, that these fantasies were real;

coming close, and even closer

Separate what happened, and what was just a dream

later on, it'll turn to chaos;

and pain and pain, come away from the window

Stay here, my hands will comfort you

Caught up in all of this, all caught up in pretending to be okay

caught trying to fake it

Leave behind what never happened, and this was just a bad reality

Lost and broken, coming to I'll slowly wake

We still haven't spoken

Say When.

Now I'm here, and it's a blindside, a windstorm and it's all around me

it all began with those eyes, that just cut right through me,

maybe it'll all come true after all

Give in, give in;

Tears, and more tears, more pain, and more longing. It's just repetitive

Feels like falling

Looks like love.

Breakable

It's not like I can't get over you.

I just miss your voice.

and the ache of your absence

it lingers here still

I just miss your eyes

and the way they looked upon me

they lingered just a little too long

I don't have a regret

just regrets themselves

and the way they seem to haunt me

every minute, of every day

I will leave this mess, and hide away

just to pass on, and get over this silence

just to stay

a part of you,

because you are still

a part of me