Have you ever been afraid?

It's natural to be afraid. It's a human instinct to fear things that might hurt us. Things like falling from great heights, or falling in general.

I'm one of those latter kind of people.

Fear has a grip that won't let go, it's pulling and pushing and searing through your skin all at the same time. It's that rock in the back of your throat that won't go away. Fear takes hold of you and begins to consume the very life of you, if you're not careful, it will take everything you could ever hold dear.

To despair is to lose all hope, and be unable to even take your own life. Despair occurs after all has faded and fear has completely paralyzed you.

I'm also unfortunately a victim of despair.

I know, it seems a little bit ridiculous. I have spent 17 years of my life in a full-day education setting, and I will spend at least two more. I will have probably spent close to 60,000 of debt by the end of my entire education. I may never repay this in my lifetime. I may never be able to even graduate because I'm already that far in debt, and I am struggling to pay my bills. I'm afraid I may someday not have any money at all, and that fear makes me feel as though a day of financial security will never come.

I'm a rational person, and I keep thinking to myself that debt is a natural part of a middle-class life. I just never wanted to be so in debt that I live paycheque to paycheque. Like right now.

When you have this much debt assigned to your name, it's something that gets 'passed down' should something 'happen' to you. Such a horrible tragedy, after losing a family member... to get a bill of such a substantial nature. Who has that kind of money laying around?

I could whine about how it's the people making the decisions who have the money to lose.
I could totally do that.

But right now, I'm so afraid. Consumed by fear of so many things, and above all,
myself.