10 Moments to live before you die

Inspired by the Summer of 2010.

Moment 1
Jump off of something higher than you'd normally find acceptable. This can be a cliff, a bed, a high chair, a Mach tower, or an airplane. Do it safely. Do it twice.


Moment 2
Fall asleep listening to post-rock. The Earth is Not a Cold Dead place is great. Explosions in the Sky's entire discography works if you take awhile to fall asleep.
Fall asleep listening to jazz. Do it every night. Use the white noise to your advantage. That way, someday you'll sleep in silence and you'll love it all that much more.


Moment 3
Eat with your hands. Try new cuisine. Just wash those hands first. and after... Don't be afraid to get messy. Don't even use a plate.


Moment 4
Kiss someone you just met. Have a one-night stand. Be safe, but don't play it safe. Give them your all and then never call them. Better yet, make it someone's boyfriend.


Moment 5
Go see a band on a whim. Preferably one you've never heard of. Really get into the sounds, the atmosphere. Remember how it smelled. Remember what you were wearing. Buy their CD. Play it once or twice


Moment 6
Read a book in a park on a weekday afternoon. Make it in the sun. Wear sunscreen. Sweat like you've never sweat before. Make it July. Make it sunny as heck.


Moment 7
Sit in the same park at midnight. Sing out loud like nobody can hear you. Make it a love song. Make it an opera.


Moment 8
Walk around the house naked. Turn off the air conditioning if you have it. Turn up the heat if it's winter. Sit in your skivvies. Become comfortable with your natural state.


Moment 9
Fail a course. Get a 48.8 in a subject, somehow. Learn to accept that you're not perfect. Learn to accept that the education system is not perfect. Know the subject, get a failing grade on a multiple choice test.


Moment 10
Fall in love. Fall into a cycle of uncontrollable emotion, unabated thirst for the freedoms of another. Hold hands. Don't hold hands. Be so mad for someone you can't breathe around them.

And when you want to say "I love you", don't do it. Hold your breath. Wait. Wait until they walk away and say it quickly and quietly. Wait until they're across the ocean. Wait until you're old and grey. And then, then remember it for what it felt like.

Boys have self-esteem issues too...

If there's one thing I've noticed as of late, it's that guys have the same issues we do. They don't always feel happy when they look in the mirror. In fact, I think they have it worse: sure the pressures may be lesser or different, but the ability to talk about 'feeling fat' or nothing be happy with the way you look is something we females accept and take for granted.


It came to me as a realization as I noticed more and more of my guy friends were spending large amounts of time at the gym. By large, I mean more than myself: 10+ hours a week. Whether it be pumping iron, cardio or classes, more and more men are spending time working out and 'getting in shape' seems to be the justification for losing weight and looking 'better'. Truth is, I like a little meat on my guy. Muscle is good too, but I certainly am not attracted to the fakeness of a Calvin Klein underwear model, or the scrawny hipster-types that grind against me at clubs. I know, by now, that men don't necessarily want the Natalie Portman in Black Swan thin types, nor do they demand Megan Fox figures either.

With both genders accepting some leeway in figures, and with health being the primary concern rather than weight as a number--why is it that more and more men are super concerned about their size? Talking to one friend, who was troubled about being 'stuck' at 230lbs (a number that is neither ridiculously high nor unacceptable by 'healthy' standards for his height) I reassured him that the weight loss wasn't a numerical value but a loss in inches. It's why I never, ever weigh myself. I think I'd be disappointed at the scale, but when I try on new clothes, or especially old ones, I know I lost a lot.

And even then, I have 'fat days' like most girls. We all feel like crap now and then. When it happens a few days in a row, it's time to make a change. It's simple logic. Feel like crap, then actively make yourself feel better.

Is it that guys are going through the same cycle of crappy feeling? Is it that they feel pressure from girls or the media to be a certain way? I honestly don't pretend to have any unnatural insight about men, but growing up with a brother and a father, I can safely say that a certain weight can mean all the self-confidence in the world-- and self confidence means getting girls... or guys. Whatever the preference is, guys are having issues with the way they look: they're putting more effort into their appearance now than ever.

At least, I'm starting to notice it more now, or rather--care about it.
It kinda hurts inside to see a male friend going through the same troubles I face as a female seeing a 100lbs 5'5" celebrity on screen all the time-- men are faced with the lean, muscular, powerful imagery of the antagonist. It's not like it's unachievable--but it's certainly difficult, especially on a University students eating budget.

So if you're reading this, take a deep breath. Realize, and PLEASE take heed: you may not look in the mirror what you think you should, but that doesn't make you any less perfect, important, special and intelligent. Health is important, and most true health comes from the inside.

So work on that. Work out, keep fit, but don't go overboard. Don't spend 3 hours a night working out. Spend it having fun, studying, talking to friends...

...maybe cluing in on the fact that maybe this is about you. I care!

Procrastination... and Brownies

We've all done it. I'm doing it right now. I should be writing an essay, or running. Two thing I told myself I'd do today. But I'm sore from a 5K on Wednesday, and I really don't feel the urge to write about moral scepticism.

So I'm writing for you guys instead. Procrastination can be fruitful, as in the past two days I've done groceries for the week, laundry, cleaned my room and changed the sheets o my bed. I have even had a couple showers, painted my nails, and watched a movie.

It's not like I'm lazy. I'm a pretty active person, just that the mindset of reading week isn't necessarily 'catching up' as I have nothing to catch up on. It's not even relaxation, as knowing I start work next week, I have an essay due Tuesday and one due next monday, two presentations and a midterm.. and god knows what else... coming up, I still feel no need to get work done.

I write my worst essays when I feel coerced. Right now is one of those moments, and instead of forcing myself to bite the bullet and get it done, I'm slowly re-reading the required material and jotting down notes for the actual writing process. I've also got a new Cord article on its way. Somewhere.

I feel like watching another movie tonight. Perhaps an Oscar nominated one, just for the kicks. It's ridiculously cold outside so running isn't an option. My toes are cold. I don't want MORE frostbite.

I could clean the kitchen, or make brownies (lightbulb!!!)

and watch another sappy romance movie alone.. on a friday night.. But there really is NO reason to work on stuff. Nope. I could give more justifications but those brownies are calling. So is a fresh pot of coffee.

So as I remain perfectly calm in my chaos, thinking about calling Mom to tell her about my bursary luck, and my 'productive' week, I wonder to myself how I will budget my time come Sunday night. Because we both know I am not going to be giving my undivided attention to the Oscars. Haha.

Oscar blindness.

I've seen many films this year. I own most if not all of the nominated soundtracks. I don't care who wins. It's not meaningful to me to see a sticker placed upon movie or cd packaging that something won an award. Due credit should be given to all nominees, regardless of the category. All those involved had different challenges, different working styles, and definitely different budgets. Comparing Zimmer to Reznor, 127 Hours to Black Swan on levels that are supposedly equated with elitist prospects of 'goodness' and 'great film' are beyond my understanding. They're all great. All in their own individual ways.

And that is why I don't care who wins Sunday night. I'll be watching, but only because I want to see all the great fashion faux-pas.

Oscar blindness is the viewpoint from which I see award shows. It could be an academy, a line of truck drivers, or a houseful of young mothers. All have valid opinions on what they watch and what they'd like to see: just as movies and film have been less art and more business, so loses the relevance of the 'award' show.

We're not awarding any prestige, I'd say. We're actually just letting them know that yes, you're not done making money on this film, and yes, things will get better for you, simply because the 'academy' said 'go'.

Film is long past as art. It is beautiful, and present, but no longer appreciated as art. We can all take that elite or film studies major stance and look at it critically but truthfully and unfortunately the critical viewpoint is no longer of value in our society. Money is.

So Oscar blindness, being 'blind' or totally ignorant (out of my own intention) about who wins or why they win or anything other than me liking the film (if it is art after all, then why shouldn't there be multiple readings?) just creates a lot of tension between myself and the 'academy' or academic community.

Let me explain: I love film, and I can decipher or critique one should I choose, but most films aren't being made for that anymore. Just like a lot of music isn't being made to just be LISTENED to anymore.

Again, come Oscar night I won't care to remember who won... but I bet I'll be excited when the film I liked wins: because I know that they're getting at least some credit (monetary or 'prestige') for making me happy, at least for two hours at a time. That goes for soundtracks too.

Stranger than fiction

Sometimes positivity, optimism and whatever else you call it fails. By failure we can mean anything: loss of life, true grief, or even a bad mark on a final. Sometimes life falls apart like a house of cards; you can keep on trying but someone else is shaking the table. Life is not a game to be played or a metaphor of anything remarkable. You can't go through life thinking things happen for reasons, because sometimes they don't. Sometimes things happen because you're an idiot and you should have done otherwise. But you didn't, and now you're sitting here, thinking how hindsight could have saved the day. But it's hindsight, and it's called that for a reason. Keep looking through hindsight and you'll have your head so far up your ass ostriches will be looking back at you. Life can be stupid, it can be irrational. It's a day to day struggle between you and what you face. It's your choice to get up, and try again. It's your choice to take it as it comes, or go and get it. Beyond all the frustration and faithlessness, there's love.

Love is the intolerable reality of another being. It's accepting that you are who you've let yourself become, or accepting that you are not who you yet want to be and actively setting to change that. Loving yourself comes before loving another. Looking in the mirror you can't get all philosophical and think it's you looking back. It's not you: it's an image of what you see of yourself. That image, can literally change by the day. When you lose or gain weight, that image changes. That image could disappear, and then what would you be? Other than blind, you'll be lacking yourself. So don't put that much attention or self-worth in to the mirror. Put it into what you want yourself to be: smart, independent, financially stable, sexually promiscuous. I don't care. The reason why I don't care is because it's you and not me. I'm what I want to be, except for the 30K+ I am in debt doing so. I'll get there when I get there.

Love for another is what comes when you've gotten over yourself. You're ready to let someone in, let them judge and apprehend that freedom all their own. You can let them mock you, recreate you, mould you and change you but you'll always have a different interpretation of yourself than what they have. You've got to accept this early on. Your friends may not like every aspect of your personality. They tolerate it. You don't have this luxury. If you can't tolerate a part of yourself, you're doomed to a lifetime of unhappiness. Change, and do it for the better. Change can come with acceptance, or ignorance, or actual physical change. Get breast implants. Lose weight. Do what you have to do, or regret it forever.

Love is stupid. It doesn't care for intelligence, it doesn't know how to read, write or play a song. It can't dance, nor does it want to. Love is an independent reality apart from all these things. Love is the state of existence where all is one and everything no longer matters.
People say "I'd die for you". They got it wrong. What good is dying for someone? About the same good as giving away your entire independence and strength to the will of another. Useless pieces of metal. Tools. You're only as good as your last word, and I've had a lot of them. Fight. Make love. Repeat.

Jump off a cliff, and tell me what made you do it. You won't care, because you'll be too busy telling me about the unbelievable feeling of freedom you experienced after you jumped. Love is that feeling, right before your feet leave ground: when you know you're going to do it, and it's too late to react. It's the feeling when you trip and you want to catch yourself, but only end up smashing awkwardly into the floor, laughing. We all hit ground eventually, it's what makes us leap that concerns me.

Call it a leap of faith. Call it leapfrog. I don't care. I care that I'm in control of my jump: a perfect leap of grace. Pirouettes, over and over and over. I can't lose control. Such is the demise of the type-A. We won't let go. We won't give up. We will succeed. Backspace backspace backspace. We will always succeed. But never at love, no...

Love is a failure.

A fall reading week? No thanks

So I've decided to post here first, to lay out the argument, feel it out a bit. So kill me if I'm doing injustice.

A fall reading week would probably mean a much needed break to a large portion of the student body. Sounds perfect, except for the fact it's going to mess with the already time-crunched fall semester, leaving class either until Dec 24th, or starting Sept 7th--or both. Also on the plus side, having a fall reading week would allow for some students to spend a week at home with family or friends; seeing grandma and grandpa is just so awesome that so many of us are fighting for that extra week a year to do so...right?

Sounds ridiculous to me, as someone who can't afford a trip home and didn't have much of a Christmas to begin with thanks to our exam schedule this year. I've got low expectations of the university to give us MORE time off, since having a week and a half for Christmas holidays seemed to be hard enough to ask for.

Another valid point would be that having a fall reading week reduces the suicide rates and amount of reported instances of anxiety and panic amongst the student body. I'll tell you right now, that those students with these issues deserve to have their concerns heard and that the university might as well offer a reading week on the basis of these concerns alone. Since this is a legitimate issue, it's hard to deny a reading week in the fall is something in Laurier's future. The reason why I'm dubbing it useless is for the obvious reason that most students will take full advantage of the week off to drink and/or sleep. I don't blame them, but I think it's time that could be used more productively.

It is that other side of the coin, the students who don't use a reading week to read at all--these are the people who take the trips down south, who travel or basically waste away a week intended to catch up and prepare for midterms. There is also the very important issue of where the extra time would come from: Laurier's fall semester is already tight--cutting days from O-week and making the exam period longer would be two ways to make the reading week fit. As a school that is valued for its dedication to first year students and making them feel a part of the Laurier family, I would feel ashamed for taking away from that experience.

The fall semester can be tough, yes: adjusting from the summer high is hard, and managing your time is a little difficult. But, it is all part of the university experience, and by fourth year you get the hang of it, and you learn to know when to ask for help. A reading week, for the purposes of academic survival, is simply not pragmatic in the fall term.

Reflections on WLUSU elections

So the results are in, and I could not be happier. But, I could be a little more interested. Voter turnout was more than double this year, accredited to the accessibility of online voting. But safety, security, and the 'popularity' vote of Nick Gibson (WLUSU president-elect) are all interesting issues that are rising from the steam of last night.

I'll start by addressing the first two. Voting online, although not the most discreet (unless you're doing it alone in the comfort of your own bedroom) is certainly not the most secure way to vote: or is it? Under a secured https server, myLaurier.ca (the new revamped student gateway) and under normal viewing circumstances, voting is safe.

So why then denounce the winner, Nick Gibson, for being just a 'popular vote'? He has (and I'm attempting my best to be unbiased) the most informed and well thought-out platform, a campaign team that was given individual consideration to reach target groups... and well, seriously? A Panda? LaCute had nothing going for him from the start.

None, not ONE of the other candidates attempted to reach out to me. Kudos to LaCute for attempting to get the Music vote, but it was Gibson that had As across the board.

That being said, all the BOD/BOG members had a little less of a 'campaign'. I knew who I'd vote for, because of their academic and social reputations, along with the sheer obviousness that certain ex-bod members shouldn't be reelected.

Again, that being said.... I can't believe Saad was elected BOG. What has he done? Someone please explain.