Thursday, October 27, 2011

That's not 'gay'.

Some people lately have asked me how it was that I became so liberal. I grew up in an extremely conservative community, but have ended up so far left socially I wind up off the chart.

I know what it's like to have a gay best friend. To watch him get called 'faggot' day after day, and to feel how capable he is of love. I've seen how capable Ryan is of having a good relationship, of giving back to the community and his zest for life. To think that Ryan would ever want to take his own life because of the threats and misgivings of others, is the most horrendous and terrifying feeling. This is in light of the tragedies as of late within the  LGBTQ community.

I don't know what it's like to be teased because of my sexual orientation. I'm open enough with what I like and who I like and I have never had to defend myself against some of the things Ryan has had to. I cannot imagine losing him.

Ryan isn't just my gay friend. He's my best friend. I'd die for him.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Don't walk away with her

Oh, if I never had to fight for what I wanted; what if I never had to work to get to where I want to be;
I am sick of defending myself; sick of defining what it's like to be like this
love's such a personal, private emotion; sick of bearing it all in hopes to make it alright
but here I am again somehow, avoiding laughter, hiding from smiles
Why don't they just get someone else to pick on, and avoid the irony
of you, and me.
What if we never got along like this, or what if we weren't alike in every way.
What if I never thought about it at night
realizing you're never far away
Oh, if I never had to run away from what I loved; what if I never had to be ashamed of myself
What if you all just left us alone
standing forever, wondering if you could pick up on my clues
those lingering questions keep me up, 2am who do you love?
I wonder, until I float away; I just wanted to see you behind that door
asking what if our love is worth fighting for
This silence, just wanting to let it go; let go of everything that made me feel insignificant, inadequate.
I'm better than fucking adequate.
All we ever wanted was a place to live, a warm bed to lie in, and a roof over our heads.
No one ever thought it would be like this; God knows it can't end like this.