Day 13-14-15...

I don't plan on writing for awhile. I want all this drama out of my life. Although there are few things more satisfying than hearing the loud clickety-clack of the keyboard in the fury of the night, I don't think it's healthy to continue to dwell on someone that can't give me what I need.

That goes for all of you. You, who couldn't give me a good, mutual friendship. You, who can't decide to love me as a friend or as his everything. You, who can't give me the time of day but has shown me what love feels like.

I just don't want to lie awake at night anymore, staring at the ceiling. I don't want to cry in the shower. I don't want to contemplate the possibilities, of all of you reconciling with me. I don't want my happiness to be based in other people's hands, either. So I'm taking the step and going to eliminate you from my life.

Not that we all won't be friends, we will. Just that you'll have to find your way back into my heart as though none of this ever happened. I won't fall for you unless you make me. So please don't.

I'll keep searching, for that person who can make me feel alive again. Until then, I'll be that zombie girl drinking gallons of coffee singing at the top of her lungs in the middle of the night... painting beautiful b/w art.

I love you all, but I really can't handle it anymore.