This is more of a journal entry than an opinion, but it may turn out differently than I intend. Right now, I'm sick to my stomach because I can't stop thinking about how I'm going to pay for my next meal, my next cellphone bill, my next tuition invoice.
I have an appointment on Friday to see if I can get a student line of credit. If all fails I'm going to have to a) appeal my OSAP amount, or b) drop out entirely.
It's terrifying to think all this time this moment was coming and I never thought I'd have to work with 6 courses, two clubs and a social life... but it did. I can't spend anything on anything and that is sickening to me. Laurier is such a shitty school to be poor at.
Of course, my heart and my head are saying two different things, and right now I'm pretty happy with that. Because, if my heart wasn't obsessing over silly crushes I would be up all night worrying about my money situation. There's not a hell of a lot I can do, I've drained both parents dry, and if I can't get a loan one of them is going to have to. Terrifying to think I'm pushing THEM into debt too... just for a degree that may mean nothing.
I just wish I could be a drifter, writing songs and articles for enough money to get by. I've learned this month how little a person can live off of (plus rent cellphone and cable bills). If it weren't for the kindness of family and friends I would not have made it this far: you know who you are.
So yeah, this did turn out like a journal. I'm not blaming anyone for my mistakes, I know how this went wrong, but I wouldn't change a thing. I just wish people would understand some of us will come out of this in a LOT of debt. We can't all have rich parents who can pay for our schooling.
That said. Love, love will tear us apart. I may be obsessing over crushes but I'm still hung up on the same person. Still.
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