I Miss You, Dad.

Sometimes I write; put pen to paper, finger to key
It gets out in words when I can't speak
I try so hard to be strong,
and sometimes I just can't
So sometimes I tear up, punch the wall, slam the door
I can't express whats going on inside of me
So sometimes I write

You took things way too far
Left me to live here, without money or a car
Still no job, a few friends whom I love
But nothing compares, to the life I left behind
It was comfort, it was home
but now all I smell is smoke
The floors never look clean, and there's always things to buy
I never have enough money, and the bills stack up on the table

Why couldn't you have stayed, just for awhile
just enough so I could.... I dont even know
You claimed that life was ending, that slowness broke your heart
Pembroke was this small town, and your home was so far
But in the end it was mine that was lost,
and now I'm the one picking up the pieces.

No hot water; dishes lie everywhere
ants crawl and annoy
the summer heat calms enough to let me sleep
and I can wait until July
I just wish this Adult life was easier
that I would take it more serious
that I wasn't so caught up in trying to experience
that little girl-hood that I miss so much
that childhood that I wanted so much
and now I'm the one, who's gotta toughen up, lighten up

Its hard to forget the person you love most in the world
when you have nothing to do all day, but paint and contemplate
And reading barely calms my busy mind enough to enjoy the words
I just want to feel happy again, like we did last summer
Eyes well with tears, I miss you, my father.